Rant about your romantic life

Met a girl at this retreat with my ministry went on a date with her it was fun, but what was really interesting is we have some things in common. Got her number and going to try to keep in touch with her. I doubt anything will come from it, but we’ll see.

I finally ended up bringing that exclusive talk up. I wanted to do it before New Years so I wouldn't be going into the new year in a confusing relationship. He said he didn't know what kind of relationship I wanted financially which is why he didn't bring it up yet. He's paid for all of our dates and our occasionally pizza and nuggets that we've had. So far we've done only 6 official dates over the past 5 months of us knowing each other otherwise we've been at one of our places and he'd order our food. I don't like too many back to back weeks where we are at one of our places. I feel like relationships at the beginning need real dates to build your experience with the other person. And if a man is paying it's showing his interest.
Anyway the conversation concluded with us both feeling used. He felt used because he was paying for the dates and I felt used by us not being in an official relationship. I suggested we end it and just be friends. He said that's not what he wanted but he'd give me some time. We hugged and then he left.
I didn't talk to him for a week after that. I texted him that I changed my mind and didn't want to be friends because that just complicates things. After that he called me and said he was very sad the whole week and gained weight from stress eating. I was sad too about the whole thing. He started talking about how in most relationship nowadays men will still pay the majority but women should pay a little too. We talked about the future and how that would work if we lived together and were married. I prefer an 80/20 split. I don't mind covering sometimes or buying him the occasional gift. I'm just not interested in a 50/50 relationship. He said he had to start saving up for more dates and we agreed to an exclusive relationship. I have no idea if our relationship will work out or not but I do know that I like him a lot.

My husband is driving me crazy! He won't let me do things. He's treating me like I'm fragile.

Yeah I'm sure it is normal to do 50/50 in most relationships now because of the economy and the breakdown of gender roles, but that isn't what I want in a relationship. I wouldn't be able to be attracted to a man that didn't pay the majority because to me 50/50 isn't a masculine trait. I like masculine men. A man that works hard at his job and is displined in savings his money and choosing to spend what he worked for on our relationship is attractive.

I feel like if it’s been a year since you broke up and you’re still not over the dude, you’re probably really in love with him right? It doesn’t make the distance any shorter though. Falling in love is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. We can’t be together but it doesn’t make me love him any less. It just makes me miserable and lonely. When we were together all I did was fantasize about us being together one day and now I do the same thing. I have this stupid journal I started in November basically just writing pathetic love letters for no reason and I really miss him and I really hate it.

We spent our first whole weekend together at an anime gaming convention this past weekend. I met his friends and some of his family was at the convention too.
Next month we will have dated for a year. I think things are going well. We talk about the future a lot. He is named after his dad so he's a junior. He said that if we have a son he'd want him to be named after him. I don't mind that for the first name but my family is pretty much all women and girls so our last name is dying out. I would want to keep my last name and add my future husband's name to mine and do the same for our children. My boyfriend's last name is super common and basic where as mine is a unique last name. I don't see a problem with any children having both names, but he thinks his son won't technically be named after him if they don't have the same exact first and last name. I suggested that he could add my name to his and then they'd match but he was against that lol.