Confessions

It does. I’m 23 and sometimes don’t even feel that young anymore.

Feels like before I blink I’ll be 34 or 35.

I’ll be 24 by the time I go see Taylor on tour later this year and that’s depressing.

It's not really the aging thing that scares me, that inevitable. It's more the fact that the reality of what my 20's actually are compared to what I fantasized they'd be like are not even close to being compatible and I can't help but feel like I'm wasting my life away and there's nothing I can do about it. Everything's just so mundane all of the time. I just thought I'd be more self sufficient at this age and I'm not. I just hate the fact that it's taking a long time to figure myself out.

It’s all in unison to me. Getting older, but also not being happy with where I am in my life.

Being 23 and not really going anywhere with my life.

Just have to stop feeling sorry for myself somehow and start making some real progress.

I mean there are positives about my life. The weight loss journey I went was not easy. Not many people lose that much weight (180 lbs in 2.5 years) so that’s something to be proud of and shows I’m capable of doing great things. I just have to do them.

I do believe both of us can figure things out for ourselves. Just takes some time I guess and we’re both relatively young. Just have to hang in there and hopefully things come together or we make them do so.

I confess I’m really down and dejected and all I wanna do is sleep.

I used to be really interested in WWE but now some weeks I'll go without watching it or I'll put it on the channel it comes on but not actually watch it. A lot of my favorites have left so I don't have very many to get excited for when they have a match. The reason I'm saying this is my oldest sister is still very much into it and wants to go anytime they come to Georgia or she wants to fly somewhere for one of their major pay-per-views. I have no desire to sit through something that I don't really care about anymore but I know she'll pitch a fit if I tell her this. I don't know, I don't seem to be interested in anything other than Taylor and 5SOS and I'm not sure what's happened. I thought I used to be interested in lots of things...

Sometimes I feel like I'd be better off dead.

I don't understand myself or know who I am or anything. A waste of space and oxygen I guess since I do nothing but sit on the couch on my phone/laptop all day. Like how do I have all this stress for no reason? I imagine when I finally start college I'll just spontaneously combust. I don't feel like I have a calling or a purpose or anything that would make me think I have a reason for being here. I truly feel like I'll never succeed in any career but obviously I need one to live. I have no talents, hobbies, passions, nothing. Literally the only thing I'm good at is complaining about my life and crying over it.