Post by Loufus on Oct 28, 2020 0:48:06 GMT -5
Preamble
My friends, my countrymen, my fellow Swifties. I come to you bearing a heavy message. When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the freeforums bands which have connected them with the admin, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. The chief cause which has necessitated this revolution is an act of sabotage so blatant as to demand action. On this evening of October the 27th, the year of our Lord 2020 and of our Lordess 31, Mew was witnessed to conspire alongside Laurie in order to deprive a member of NTC of a deserved point in Cards Against Humanity. Furthermore, the conspiring duo later claimed a victory in the same game in which the conspiring took place. No effort was made to hide this conspiracy, nor was any made to rectify the damage done. To demonstrate the severity and sheer blatant nature of this crime, I present to the public the following two pieces of evidence:
Section One: Evidence of Mew and Laurie's Egregious Malfeasance
Item One: Screencap covering conversation from 8:41:13 PST to 8:43:37 PST. Cropped for clarity, unedited otherwise.
In this screen cap we can see an NTC member taking a deserved lead in the game against Mew and Laurie. Laurie then immediately initiates a conspiracy to cheat the game and the NTC member, a conspiracy to which Mew immediately responds in full earnest. Mew then won the following round, undoubtedly due to inexcusable cheating as the innocent NTC member in question had played a great card.
Item Two: Screencap covering conversation from 8:58:13 PST to 8:58:42 PST. Cropped for clarity, unedited otherwise.
Item Two displays Laurie later winning the same game match in which the aforementioned backstabbing and sabotage had occurred. One can only presume that without this collusion, the innocent NTC member who was so viciously wronged would have won the match and all due glory.
Section Two: Abridged List of Common Grievances
While the crime committed against the previous innocent NTC member is particularly diabolical and despicable, it is by no means the only grievance which the people of NTC have levied against their self-appointed dictator. Let us consider the following disgruntlements which have been commonly raised by the many good peoples of our fair forum:
1) Mew claims to be a Pokemon. However, there is no evidence that Pokemon exist. So who is this person hiding behind a fake identity? What scheming impostor lurks behind the curtains? What devious puppet master hides in the fog of anonymity, twirling their mustache and waiting to strike like a snake from the shadowy hinterlands of a vague pseudonym which we know to be false? What secret tyrant pulls the secret strings of this public tyranny? It could be an innocuous Pokemon-loving nerd. It could be a warlord. It could be a Russian. We don't know, and that is the precise problem.
2) In the Q&A section of the forum, forum members offer answers to any questions asked of them in threads often titled "[Member's] Q&A". However, Mew's thread is only titled "Mew's Q's". Why is Mew refusing to share answers? What is he hiding behind this lack of A's? Many have noted that there are similarly very few answers over what happened to Soviet bioweapons following the fall of the Soviet Union. Are these two scandals linked? One must wildly assume so.
3) Mew has been quoted as saying "Turkey burgers taste just like beef"
4) This forum has never been officially endorsed by Taylor Swift, nor any tailor for that matter. It then follows that this is an outlaw forum, led by a digital pirate. As digital pirates are the least exciting form of pirate, Mew must answer for his swashbuckling shortcomings. Frankly, we all think pirates should be cooler than this.
5) Mew has never denied the accusation that he breaks into tourist destinations at night and steals the loose change out of the fountains, thus rendering any wishes made with those coins obsolete. Why has Mew been so silent about this scandal? Why would any moral individual do this in the first place? While we don't know the content of these wishes, it can be assumed that someone once wished for world peace. Why would Mew sabotage world peace for a measly bit of change? It can be theorized that Mew profits from war, further cementing the case that Mew is a warlord.
6) Mew was once seen to spill a McDonalds ketchup packet on the seat of a bus and made no attempt to clean it up. Come on man.
7) In 2017 members of the United Nations signed a treaty calling for an end to the use of landmines in warfare. Mew's signature was curiously, even suspiciously, even despicably, absent from this document. Why is Mew pro-landmine? Does he use them in his warlording? One must assume so. One thing is clear, and that is that no further research is needed on this point.
8) Grievance number eight is not appropriate to repeat in polite company, but we all know which one it is.
9) Mew has tyrannized our peoples by repeatedly levying unreasonable taxes against us and by quartering troops in our homes without any attempt at due recompense for the infringement on our rights of home and hearth. In this endeavor he has been aided by his private army of Moderators, a secretive group of shock troopers whose only ambition is to enforce the will of Mew.
10) Mew has frequently and publicly been seen to engage in un-Taylory and even anti-Taylory behavior. This includes A) Skipping over the number 13 when counting things, refusing even to purchase a baker's dozen of donuts, B) Wearing short skirts and campaigning to be made cheer captain, C) being a dog person, and D) Upon hearing Shake It Off being played in a Macy's department store refusing to sing along despite it being a real great song.
These grievances, among countless others presented by nearly every member of the forum, provide the justification for a swift and complete coup against Mew and his evil empire. While it is a grim necessity, it is just that- A necessity. Therefore, let it be known that we, the people of NTC, no longer recognize the authority of Mew or his lackeys to rule this forum. Any rule previously established by Mew is considered null and void. Any further attempts of Mew's to enforce his wicked will on NTC will be considered an attack on a free people. Any actions of the Moderator team to act in accordance with Mew's rules or wishes will be seen as the same. The NTC, as it was under Mew, is as of this day dissolved, and a new forum of free men and women formed in its place.
Section Three: Going Forward
From this day and forevermore, we the people will be the masters of our own fate. The governance of our forum, henceforth known as The NTC Republic, will be realized by a group of duly elected officials chosen by the very people they intend to govern. The following laws are put into immediate effect to order our forum:
1) Mew is hereby banned until fair reparations are made, especially to the innocent NTC member who was viciously conspired against in tonight's game
2) The Moderator team is hereby banished to the Sports Bar board, though on Christmas will be allowed two posts in the Miscellaneous Games board
3) Three Admins will be elected to lead the forum, with decisions made by democratic vote
4) Loufus will act as emergency governor for a period not exceeding two weeks in order to oversee the first election of the Republic's Administrative Triumvirate
5) Mew's lands and estates will be incorporated as National Parks for the enjoyment of all forum members, not just the entitled elites
6) Until rules can be further clarified, all members of The NTC Republic are required to simply act in a Taylor-friendly manner. People who are mean will not be tolerated.
7) The Revolution and the Republic will be taken very seriously.
